The Darling Files 006

She Wants to Write a Poem

When Callie Feyen reached out to me to bring back The Darling Files, I felt so much relief. I haven’t been able to write like I used to, not for months. I knew this invitation to unearth old writings and give them new life would also give me new life, or rather remind me I’ve been writing all along. I remembered this very short poem I began back in March of this year when I so longed to make poetry with the mess that was my life. I added to the work, and I love how old thoughts can still find a relevant place in the now.

There are so many ways to find beauty in your darlings, such as Callie’s here…

Darling Files 010

Do you have some old thoughts? Add to them. Give them new life. And share with Callie and I! We love to read your darlings.

She wants to write a poem. 

But instead she makes him a peanut butter sandwich. Because he wants it the way he likes it, cut into shapes, on the blue plate not the red, with purples grapes and graham crackers but the broken ones and two, no three, or maybe two, we’ll see. She places it all just so because she loves him.

She wants to write a poem.

But instead she must paint her walls Benjamin Moore Simply White for the new homeowners. Because she must erase the smudges from the 12 month old just just learning to walk, crayon scrawled in five year old word, dings from furniture moved around with every new chapter that filled this home. She must leave a blank space for someone’s else’s story. 

She wants to write a poem.

But instead she empties the boxes and fills out the forms and finds a place for the backup batteries and broken crayons and restaurant coupons. Because she tried clicking her heels three times but it didn’t get her home so I guess she has to make it herself. 

She wants to write a poem. 

But instead she paints her walls again, this time Cascade Green and Black Pepper and Prairie Rose and Lullaby Blue. Because when your new life is not Simply White at all, not even a little bit, you want to dress the home with a coat of many colors so that you remember you are meant to be here, loud and alive and messy and beautiful.

She wants to write a poem.

But instead she slips on her shoes to play backyard soccer, because he told her she was really good for a mom and this fills her more than any feedback ever has, hopefully ever will.

Instead she draws a spider man unrecognizable to anyone but the five year old because she wants to see him smile. 

Instead she turns on the Lover album one more time because its her daughter’s favorite and sometimes singing loudly is closer to a poem than any pen ever got her.  

She wants to write a poem. 

But she decides to live one instead.